Me Gusta California Burrito (Vegan, Gluten Free)

Exhibit A: your standard fast food drive-thru burrito.

Source: The Impulsive Buy

If that looks to you like the unholy union of goatse and tub girl, your face probably looks something like this right about now:

Me Gusta

If you’re not up on your internet memes, “me gusta” is character from the rage comics series of exploitables that signals a humorous interest in something most people would consider disgusting, disturbing, or sexually deviant.  For example, yesterday Peanut kept fishing my panties out of the laundry and chewing on the crotchular region.

Please excuse me while I die a little inside.

To suggest that I am somehow turned on by such a stomach-turning sight should elicit laughter from my jaded internet peers.  It’s wrong, but it’s so very right.  In this spirit, my gluten free vegan version of the California burrito, a San Diego staple that combines carne asada steak with french fries, will make you say “me gusta” faster than a crush porn repost in /b/.

(For you skeptical non-vegans out there, I promise you this recipe is legit as fuck.  Plus it makes 6 burritos – enough to feed your whole YouTube party!)

Me gusta shitty iPhone pics.

Me Gusta California Burrito*

One 12 ounce package Food For Life Brown Rice Tortillas (6 tortillas)
One 12 ounce package El Burrito Soy Taco “meat” (you can sub in a more steak-like meatless protein, but it probably won’t be gluten free)
20-25 small fingerling potatoes
1/4 tsp chipotle pepper flakes
Salt and pepper
1/4 cup olive or peanut oil
2 cups Daiya cheddar flavored shreds (or your favorite vegan cheese)
1/2 cup Tofutti Sour Supreme vegan sour cream
3 large ripe avocados
One 1 ounce package Tostitos Dip Creations guacamole seasoning mix
Cholula hot sauce or fresh salsa to taste

Half an hour ahead of time, mash avocados together in a bowl and combine with seasoning mix, then let sit in the fridge until the rest of your ingredients are done.  Alternatively, you can make your own guacamole from scratch, but this is a nice short cut in a needlessly elaborate dish, and the Tostitos mix just so happens to be both vegan and gluten free.

Now slice up your fingerling potatoes so they resemble french fries.  Pat dry.  In a large skillet, heat oil until it begins to ripple, then toss in your potatoes and season with chipotle flakes, salt, and pepper.  Cook until crispy, then dump them onto a towel to drain.

Drain the pan of excess oil, then toss the soy taco meat in and stir a few moments until heated through.  Top with vegan cheese, turn off the burner, and let the mixture sit so the cheese has a chance to melt slightly.

On an indoor grill or large pan heat your tortillas until they become elastic.  You may need to brush them with water or oil so they don’t break.

Now comes the fun part: lay down your tortillas and fill them with the fried potatoes, cheesy soy taco filling, guacamole, vegan sour cream, and salsa.  Fold the top and bottom of your tortilla over about 1/2 inch, then roll in the sides tightly.  If need be you can lick the ends of the tortilla so they stick better.

Now crack open a bottle of tequila and do something you’ll regret later!

*All of these ingredients can be found at Whole Foods except for the Tostitos dip seasoning, which can be picked up at your local supermarket.

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